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May 1979
A speck of sand, a bit of grain
A drop of water on the plain
So minute am I this year
My fifty mark looms up as near
The years have much too quickly passed
And I am here much too darn fast
Accomplishements that once had time
To be unfolded rest sublime
So much to do and see and feel
This whole darn world seems quite unreal
Why is it that the childhood days
So fondly recalled slipped away?
If fighting men would only drape
Their sorry forms in mindful shape
And know what I know that years hence
War's forgotten at expense
They'd look at centuries past and see
What fools men were, and are, and be
I have loved and hated and borne
Through nights and suns of rain and storm
Seen frustrations, fears and pain
Reveled in wit and foolery insane
Joined in causes, resigned from more
Acted, wrote and kept loves score
Had my men and childhood pleasures
Flesh and sin and devils treasure
Am I wiser? I fear not
For errors pop up cold and hot
Still I have things many lack
And water beads right off my back
I can't change much, some days are so blue
And seemingly sad dreams come true
A sickly mother now to see
To recall my look-back memory
The vividness of what she had
And how the good things turned to bad
Is this not how we all must end?
What "Golden Years"?
They're an abnormal blend
The mind so weakened from too much
Of pain that came along as such
Sure, my children are my life
and mean more than a constant wife
I'm not that, I guess I know
That marriage wanes as children grow
When I look back, count the mistakes
Recall all the pains and aches
It's then I vow that before it ends
I'll try my best to make amends
I hope I face up to my task
And toss away lifes crazy mask,
Revealing strength I always had
And should have used to push the bad
Emptiness is my greatest fear
Loneliness of a coming year
I hope, I pray, that I can face
That time when I'll have run the race
So here's to you, fifty!
May you be the start
Of kind and loving years
That God will give my heart.
July 19, 1997
One more rung up the ladder
One wrinkle more on my face
Too many years in the background
Too few to help set the pace
Memories stretching out lengthwise
Magnified by the events
Years rolling by like a wheelspin
Circling life's magic tents
Wedding, births, death all congealing
Rushing as though being should
Mingling with pain, joy and sorrow
Fortified by those I've loved
Laid off illusions of grandeur
Dwelling too much on the past
Who can know better than I can
How short-lived the fantasies last
Offspings so busy in their world
Straining and severing the cord
Further I drift from that boundary
Closer I get to the Lord.
January 2000
This year, Dear Lord, I'm seventy
And there's so much I haven't done;
I hope, Dear God, you'll let me live
'Till I am seventy-one
By then, if I haven't finished yet,
All the things I want to do;
Would you allow me to stay awhile
Until I'm seventy-two?
So many places left to go
So many things to see;
Do you think Lord, You'd maybe
Have me stay until seventy-three?
The world is changing very fast
There is so much in store;
I'd very much like to see it
If I make it to seventy-four.
And if by then, I'm still around
To live and love and thrive;
It would seem so appropriate
To reach age seventy-five.
I think I'm pretty savvy,
And I know a lot of tricks;
Could I still enjoy them
As I turn to seventy-six?
I do love life, although I know
It must be great in Heaven;
Dear God, can you wait and grant me please
The years to seventy-seven?
I'm sure by then I won't be fast
And often I'll be late;
But it would be delightful
If I got to seventy-eight.
I'd have seen and done so much
And enjoyed my daily time;
Lord, please grant me another year
To live to seventy-nine.
I hope this ten year plan of mine
Does not seem hard and weighty;
I'll thank you, God, each and every day,
If I make it all the way to eighty!